Kimberly Hill Photography

Brothers

Sorry to post and run but I'm running late - I just had to share this!

On Being Mom

"On Being Mom" by Anna Quindlen

If not for the photographs, I might have a hard time believing they ever existed. The pensive infant with the swipe of dark bangs and the blackbutton eyes of a Raggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellow ringlets and the high piping voice. The sturdy toddler with the lower lip that curled into an apostrophe above her chin.

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.

What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations -- what they taught me was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One boy is toilet trained at 3, his brother at 2. When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing. Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow.

I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month-old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame. The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language - mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts.

It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

Thanks to Pam of Casual Moments for sharing this on her blog and reminding me about this fabulous essay! All I have to do is look at my two grown sons to realize how precious and fleeting my time with my daughter is and to take that as a reminder to slow down and savor every moment.

This pose may've been all fun and games now, but one day I'll turn around and she'll be posing for her senior portraits for real!

Featured client: Lisa

1. First name & city: Lisa, Myrtle Beach
2. Who was photographed in your session? Ava, 10 months old
3. What are your New Year's resolutions? My resolution is to get my body in shape so I can be a healthy mom for Ava...this includes exercise and eating right.
4. Which New Year's resolution will be over by January 31st? Which one is most likely to make it through December? I haven't been physically fit for long time so I'm hoping I can stick to it this time!
5. Shopping - stores, online or both? Stores for clothing and impulse buying...everything else online!
6. Facebook or MySpace or both or neither? neither
7. What was the last book you read? P.S. I Love You.  My husband thought I was nuts because the book made me laugh out loud then sob every 10 minutes! I know the movie won't be as good as the book, but I can't wait to see it anyway!
8. What's on your nightstand? A lamp, hand lotion, alarm clock, cell charger, and a coaster for my cold glass of water.
9. What are your favorite websites or blogs to visit? Kimberly Hill Photography (of course) I love seeing the new photos! And I love to "spy" on my husband so I check out his blog too. www.realestateinmyrtlebeach.org
10. What is a must-see or must-do in Myrtle Beach? Bovine's Restaurant in Murrells Inlet Mmmmm!

* bonus question #1: What is your favorite thing about KHP/KSeniors? the pictures are artistic and oh so beautiful!

* bonus question #2: What is your favorite image from your session and why?

* bonus question #3: Share something from your session - why you chose the outfits you wore, something funny or touching that happened at your session, etc. Little Ava is growing up so quickly and I get tears in my eyes knowing that someday she'll be leaving for college just like the real seniors in your photos.  Looking at Ava's "senior" photo reminds me to cherish every moment. :-)

Santa Baby - starring Ava

In honor of the Santa's big trip a week from today, sing with me now...

Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me
Been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a ´54 convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be o' so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list... bee doo bee doo

Santa honey, I wanna yacht and really that's not a lot
Been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, theres one thing I really do need, the deed
To a platinum mine
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me... boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight...

Merry Christmas, Ava! You're the cutest little Santa Baby ever!

Giulia aka Teething Beauty

This supermodel-in-training didn't even mind her clothing changes. She just grinned through it all... and ate grass... and Grandmama's necklace... and my finger.

Class of 2023

I've found my first KSeniors Model Rep for the Class of 2023.

The pose.

The attitude.

She's perfect.

... and now the little boys

Mr. T

Fooled ya! Isn't he sweet? He's the youngest of 5 boys, as happy and easy-going as they come. Teagan just stares at you, then breaks into the sweetest little smile.

This scamp wasn't supposed to be a part of Teagan's session but what can you do when your prospective model looks like this?

J for the Holidays

Princess J is all ready for the holidays! She would prefer NOT to be photographed but warmed up to me after a bit. Princesses need to be discerning, you know.

Anthony and his sticks

This little one was on the go, Go, GO! Such a happy boy and he loved his sticks... grass... rocks... vines... you get the idea.  ;)